Lately i’ve been finding myself surrounded by so many humans. They are 3 deep all around me all day, chewing and walking and saying things like ‘Your girlfriend wrote you a poem for Valentines Day!? Lame. Poems are just gay sentences.’ While I agree with this, all these humans so close to me all the time is making me a tad upset. There’s no space in this city.
Clearly, i’m not the only one who thinks so. Humans live on top of the other, and if you can manage to ignore your neighbour, thats a win. Some people can’t ignore each other, but, being the passive aggressive creatures that we are, we all choose snide comments and notes over confrontation and the distinct possibility of getting our faces punched. Noone like a punched face.
I’ve had a few great notes left on my front door over the years. I’ve kept a couple of my personal favourites:
1. March 2008 – ‘Dear number 4, we always hear you having sex, and mostly my husband and I sit up and give you a score out of 10. But last night (monday) we were kept up until 5am after you came home at 3am. We have to work like normal people. Please shut the fuck up.’
That was a great one. I wrote back and asked for my scores over the previous 12 months to be put in some kind of spreadsheet, but it never came.
2. June 2010 – ‘Dear tenant, After your party on Saturday, one of your guests SHAT in the pathway adjoining the block. That is DISGUSTING.’
I’m not the only person who writes or recieves such missives, and i’ve dug up a few crackers from around the place. Enjoy.